I was just thinking over the issues that I have experienced so far as a parent. I have always wanted to ‘clear up my act’ properly and completely. Not just my treatment of the environment or others, but also towards myself. My eating habits have always been terrible. I have never been a big eater and I am sure the lack of food I have consumed has somewhat had an effect on me. Luckily pregnancy has sorted my appetitie out, but I want and am beginning to change my diet for better, and will explain later.

Since the moment I found out I was pregnant, a drastic change had to be made. I had dipped into changing a lot of my behaviour – recycling, attitude towards others – but I needed to learn to change myself. I needed to slow down. I have always been someone who has always felt in a rush. I used to rush around Uni like I had no time in the world. I used to constantly stress and walk like I needed to be places in seconds. I constantly felt stressed and frustrated by lack of time. Pregnancy, at first, thus was an automatic struggle. I extremely sick the first third of it – I couldn’t continue my normal routine of work (I worked as a healthcare assistant and patients are demanding, I would run about like a headless chicken), running/gym, educational work and going out. I constantly was on the go but pregnancy stopped it all. I couldn’t keep anything down and was utterly drained. This obviously affected my mood. I felt depressed because I just couldn’t do anything – from extremely active to nothing hit me really hard.

However despite this sudden change, whenever I did manage to get out of the house, I still carried the incessant need to rush about. As my pregnancy continued, I knew and eventually had no choice but to slow down, and take it easy. I was forced into a position I was not used to.

I struggled. I really struggled. But being forced into this position, I feel, is the only way I would have gotten out of that need to rush, the feeling of not having enough time. I had and have slowed down. At the end of my pregnancy, I was enjoying how slow I took every activity and appreciating every step I took or everything I did – every moment. Something I had lost due to my need of rushing. I started to enjoy myself. So when Bob (Callum, my beautiful son’s nickname) was born, I was ready and rested. It takes several hours sometimes to get out of the door with him, but I am ok with it. If pregnancy hadn’t have forced me into the position of slowing down, I don’t think I could coped with him! He is time consuming. To get to appointments can be a nightmare – but I don’t mind or let it bother me. I take every moment for what it is. It also allows me to enjoy him and not worrying about being late for things (I used to have to be at least ten minutes early for appointments before he was born – I could never ever stand being late), I don’t mind if my house is a mess, I feel calmer. I am not saying it is always easy, like my writings may suggest. I mean I do have my moments when I am exhausted where I feel cranky- but it is nothing like how I used to be.

This has been an important and crucial first appropriate step towards my goal of ethical living. Staying calm and rested constantly, allows me to be more aware of everything around me and allows me to enjoy my process of thinking about the issues I need to address in my life to be ethically sound.

I have addressed quite a few issues since I became pregnant – making informed choices with my pregnancy and labour through my birthplan, breastfeeding, clothing for Bob, looking after Bob and be there constantly for him etc. All these issues I hope to document here, along with the new ones I face.

Despite every hardship I have encountered, I am enjoying this process of learning. I love my son and want the best for him.

On the 15th November, ten days early, my son was born weighing 7lbs 10. He is beautiful and brilliant and very much a lot of work. As a result I haven’t been near a computer, let alone been able to document anything I had learnt when I was pregnant and am and will put in practise now that my baby is here.

My son’s name is Callum Matthew, however everyone still calls him Bob. Bob was the name given to my bump before I knew the sex of my baby and has stuck ever since. We all love it. I am figuring that maybe I will use Callum when he is naughty – not that he will be – I am sure I will have a golden child

The first few weeks (he is now seven weeks old) have been extremely testing and very much an educational journey. It doesn’t matter how much you prepare or read, it never lives up to the expectations that you learnt about. For one, breastfeeding was a struggle for me at first. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I assumed it would all be magically easy because, afterall, breastfeeding is natural. It didn’t work like that for me. I struggled. The first two weeks were horrible. I was miserable and felt like a complete failure half the time because he struggled to latch and stay latched. I expressed, in order to make sure he got his milk, but it was more difficult than I anticipated. After the first two weeks being a nightmare, things are much better. I am used to feeding him regularly now and at night I can get up to 6 hours of sleep before he stirs . And even when he stirs it can be for five mins only and we have feeding laying down perfect, so I don’t even have to move or really wake. We still have issues with his feeding, but these are more orientated to wind and Bob choking himself! I am getting used to his cries now too – working out whether he needs feeding or not – but it is still very much a learning process.

It all has been absolutely wonderful to experience and I must say my priorities and my ideas of what is important in life has definitely changed a lot. Not just because my son is here, but also because I had the dreadful news of my mother passing away – something anticipated for many years, but still an ultimate blow. Especially as she never had the opportunity to hold her grandson, but at least she saw him. I miss her a lot and it is still very painful. Bob has been a distraction from this – whether this is a good or bad thing I have yet to discover.

I could have never gotten through this pregnancy or through these first precious weeks without the help of my beautiful boyfriend Matt. He has been absolutely wonderful, especially in the beginning when I was miserable about my inability to feed Bob sufficiently. I love sharing every moment with him and Bob. They say that a child can bring strain to a relationship, but since Bob’s birth I just feel we have drawn closer and closer together.

Despite everything, Bob has been worth every moment including the painful ones.