Feeling Calm and Rested - what pregnancy did to me

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I was just thinking over the issues that I have experienced so far as a parent. I have always wanted to ‘clear up my act’ properly and completely. Not just my treatment of the environment or others, but also towards myself. My eating habits have always been terrible. I have never been a big eater and I am sure the lack of food I have consumed has somewhat had an effect on me. Luckily pregnancy has sorted my appetitie out, but I want and am beginning to change my diet for better, and will explain later.

Since the moment I found out I was pregnant, a drastic change had to be made. I had dipped into changing a lot of my behaviour - recycling, attitude towards others - but I needed to learn to change myself. I needed to slow down. I have always been someone who has always felt in a rush. I used to rush around Uni like I had no time in the world. I used to constantly stress and walk like I needed to be places in seconds. I constantly felt stressed and frustrated by lack of time. Pregnancy, at first, thus was an automatic struggle. I extremely sick the first third of it - I couldn’t continue my normal routine of work (I worked as a healthcare assistant and patients are demanding, I would run about like a headless chicken), running/gym, educational work and going out. I constantly was on the go but pregnancy stopped it all. I couldn’t keep anything down and was utterly drained. This obviously affected my mood. I felt depressed because I just couldn’t do anything - from extremely active to nothing hit me really hard.

However despite this sudden change, whenever I did manage to get out of the house, I still carried the incessant need to rush about. As my pregnancy continued, I knew and eventually had no choice but to slow down, and take it easy. I was forced into a position I was not used to.

I struggled. I really struggled. But being forced into this position, I feel, is the only way I would have gotten out of that need to rush, the feeling of not having enough time. I had and have slowed down. At the end of my pregnancy, I was enjoying how slow I took every activity and appreciating every step I took or everything I did - every moment. Something I had lost due to my need of rushing. I started to enjoy myself. So when Bob (Callum, my beautiful son’s nickname) was born, I was ready and rested. It takes several hours sometimes to get out of the door with him, but I am ok with it. If pregnancy hadn’t have forced me into the position of slowing down, I don’t think I could coped with him! He is time consuming. To get to appointments can be a nightmare - but I don’t mind or let it bother me. I take every moment for what it is. It also allows me to enjoy him and not worrying about being late for things (I used to have to be at least ten minutes early for appointments before he was born - I could never ever stand being late), I don’t mind if my house is a mess, I feel calmer. I am not saying it is always easy, like my writings may suggest. I mean I do have my moments when I am exhausted where I feel cranky- but it is nothing like how I used to be.

This has been an important and crucial first appropriate step towards my goal of ethical living. Staying calm and rested constantly, allows me to be more aware of everything around me and allows me to enjoy my process of thinking about the issues I need to address in my life to be ethically sound.

I have addressed quite a few issues since I became pregnant - making informed choices with my pregnancy and labour through my birthplan, breastfeeding, clothing for Bob, looking after Bob and be there constantly for him etc. All these issues I hope to document here, along with the new ones I face.

Despite every hardship I have encountered, I am enjoying this process of learning. I love my son and want the best for him.