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Ethical parenting starts from the moment one conceives – your first responsibility is to ensure your child receives optimal nutrition, through you, to grow into a beautiful baby human. One may not take this time seriously enough, and eat whatever they choose to and as much as they want. At the same time, we are told by health authorities what you should eat and what we should avoid, but should we really avoid these things? Will they affect our growing child negatively if we do or will our growing child be affected negatively if we don’t?

During my own pregnancy, I decided to research and look into the areas that I was told to exclude or restrict. Being someone who suffers from asthma, these restrictions seemed to be more crucial to me, as according to health authorities, my child would be more prone to asthma or allergies as a result. It didn’t seem to me to make sense to exclude the nuts, raw fish/eggs and shellfish – so I didn’t. I concluded after my research that it was best to expose my baby to these things, in small amounts, then to exclude completely because surely that would be more detrimental to his health. Even recently, I have seen on the news that it is now advised that mothers do not exclude peanuts from their diet completely if they have allergies, because of my very reason for not excluding foods. And that by not eating them, you child is more likely to get allergies instead! (http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,91168-1285008,00.html)

This is the very reason I tend to avoid listening to health authorities and make my own well-informed decisions. I mean this isn’t about me, this is about my son, so I needed to take the time. In terms of diet, it might just be best to follow their advice, but clearly they were wrong about the peanuts. So my suggestion to anyone who is pregnant, would be to go with your own instincts and also to look into your diet yourself. I ended up eating raw egg yolk, sushi, sashimi and nuts! Of course I didn’t eat too much, for precaution, but I have always felt it was important to expose him to this. You shouldn’t do something just because you are told. Everyone has enough sense to know what to eat to maintain a healthy diet – a healthy diet to them and no matter your decision on it, as long as you are informed and have taken the time to pick the best option available, you are doing what is best for your child. I don’t think it is necessary for me to preach what you SHOULD eat, because that is your decision and as a mother, you are most likely to make the best choice.

Some links I have found useful in my search for an optimal diet are as follows:

http://www.youngerthanyourage.com/13/breastfeeding.htm (Although about formula milk, if you scroll down there is a section on maternal food).

http://www.waidiet.com

http://www.living-foods.com/articles/rawpregnancy.html- this article covers one woman’s experience over, not only pregnancy, but after. Thought provoking and well worth taking the time to read.

I was just thinking over the issues that I have experienced so far as a parent. I have always wanted to ‘clear up my act’ properly and completely. Not just my treatment of the environment or others, but also towards myself. My eating habits have always been terrible. I have never been a big eater and I am sure the lack of food I have consumed has somewhat had an effect on me. Luckily pregnancy has sorted my appetitie out, but I want and am beginning to change my diet for better, and will explain later.

Since the moment I found out I was pregnant, a drastic change had to be made. I had dipped into changing a lot of my behaviour - recycling, attitude towards others - but I needed to learn to change myself. I needed to slow down. I have always been someone who has always felt in a rush. I used to rush around Uni like I had no time in the world. I used to constantly stress and walk like I needed to be places in seconds. I constantly felt stressed and frustrated by lack of time. Pregnancy, at first, thus was an automatic struggle. I extremely sick the first third of it - I couldn’t continue my normal routine of work (I worked as a healthcare assistant and patients are demanding, I would run about like a headless chicken), running/gym, educational work and going out. I constantly was on the go but pregnancy stopped it all. I couldn’t keep anything down and was utterly drained. This obviously affected my mood. I felt depressed because I just couldn’t do anything - from extremely active to nothing hit me really hard.

However despite this sudden change, whenever I did manage to get out of the house, I still carried the incessant need to rush about. As my pregnancy continued, I knew and eventually had no choice but to slow down, and take it easy. I was forced into a position I was not used to.

I struggled. I really struggled. But being forced into this position, I feel, is the only way I would have gotten out of that need to rush, the feeling of not having enough time. I had and have slowed down. At the end of my pregnancy, I was enjoying how slow I took every activity and appreciating every step I took or everything I did - every moment. Something I had lost due to my need of rushing. I started to enjoy myself. So when Bob (Callum, my beautiful son’s nickname) was born, I was ready and rested. It takes several hours sometimes to get out of the door with him, but I am ok with it. If pregnancy hadn’t have forced me into the position of slowing down, I don’t think I could coped with him! He is time consuming. To get to appointments can be a nightmare - but I don’t mind or let it bother me. I take every moment for what it is. It also allows me to enjoy him and not worrying about being late for things (I used to have to be at least ten minutes early for appointments before he was born - I could never ever stand being late), I don’t mind if my house is a mess, I feel calmer. I am not saying it is always easy, like my writings may suggest. I mean I do have my moments when I am exhausted where I feel cranky- but it is nothing like how I used to be.

This has been an important and crucial first appropriate step towards my goal of ethical living. Staying calm and rested constantly, allows me to be more aware of everything around me and allows me to enjoy my process of thinking about the issues I need to address in my life to be ethically sound.

I have addressed quite a few issues since I became pregnant - making informed choices with my pregnancy and labour through my birthplan, breastfeeding, clothing for Bob, looking after Bob and be there constantly for him etc. All these issues I hope to document here, along with the new ones I face.

Despite every hardship I have encountered, I am enjoying this process of learning. I love my son and want the best for him.

On the 15th November, ten days early, my son was born weighing 7lbs 10. He is beautiful and brilliant and very much a lot of work. As a result I haven’t been near a computer, let alone been able to document anything I had learnt when I was pregnant and am and will put in practise now that my baby is here.

My son’s name is Callum Matthew, however everyone still calls him Bob. Bob was the name given to my bump before I knew the sex of my baby and has stuck ever since. We all love it. I am figuring that maybe I will use Callum when he is naughty - not that he will be - I am sure I will have a golden child

The first few weeks (he is now seven weeks old) have been extremely testing and very much an educational journey. It doesn’t matter how much you prepare or read, it never lives up to the expectations that you learnt about. For one, breastfeeding was a struggle for me at first. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I assumed it would all be magically easy because, afterall, breastfeeding is natural. It didn’t work like that for me. I struggled. The first two weeks were horrible. I was miserable and felt like a complete failure half the time because he struggled to latch and stay latched. I expressed, in order to make sure he got his milk, but it was more difficult than I anticipated. After the first two weeks being a nightmare, things are much better. I am used to feeding him regularly now and at night I can get up to 6 hours of sleep before he stirs :). And even when he stirs it can be for five mins only and we have feeding laying down perfect, so I don’t even have to move or really wake. We still have issues with his feeding, but these are more orientated to wind and Bob choking himself! I am getting used to his cries now too - working out whether he needs feeding or not - but it is still very much a learning process.

It all has been absolutely wonderful to experience and I must say my priorities and my ideas of what is important in life has definitely changed a lot. Not just because my son is here, but also because I had the dreadful news of my mother passing away - something anticipated for many years, but still an ultimate blow. Especially as she never had the opportunity to hold her grandson, but at least she saw him. I miss her a lot and it is still very painful. Bob has been a distraction from this - whether this is a good or bad thing I have yet to discover.

I could have never gotten through this pregnancy or through these first precious weeks without the help of my beautiful boyfriend Matt. He has been absolutely wonderful, especially in the beginning when I was miserable about my inability to feed Bob sufficiently. I love sharing every moment with him and Bob. They say that a child can bring strain to a relationship, but since Bob’s birth I just feel we have drawn closer and closer together.

Despite everything, Bob has been worth every moment including the painful ones.

We are increasingly aware of our influence and footprint on the world surrounding us. Our negative influence on the world is portrayed daily within our media, in terms of our relation not only with others but the environment.

The Environment

In relation to the environment, issues surrounding global warming and the recent occurrence of flooding have created a growing interest in the pressing problem of the future of our planet. Despite changes being made to help combat this - promotion of steps to reduce our carbon footprint in the media, recycling facilities becoming more and more available and eco-friendly products - Britain as a whole, does very little to actively change this.

The majority of consumers in Britain can be generally described as ‘materialistic, mainly self-orientated and dominated by commercially centred motives that encourage the accumulation of wealth and possession’ (Du Plessis & Rousseau, 1999, p. 332 cited in Erasmus, Kok and Retief, 2001). To them accumulating possessions rather than being satisfied with a simple uncluttered lifestyle (Schiffman & Kanuk, 2000 cited in Erasmus et al, 2001), is the desired lifestyle. Society is constantly looking out for new products and new pleasures and replacing products that aren’t even worn out yet (Moynagh and Worsley, 2001). People are driven to earn money and work long hours to buy nice things (e.g. Drago, Black and Wooden, 2005). As a result, even though some may have good intentions or ethically orientated values, many fail to act on them using excuses as having not enough time or energy to think about the consequences of their actions and act in a socially responsible way(e.g. Moynagh, 2001).

In a recent survey, an Ipsos Mori poll, found that 56% of more than 2,000 adults interviewed believed that scientists were still questioning the existence of climate change (http://environment.guardian.co.uk/climatechange/story/0,,2117913,00.html). Maybe some people use this as an excuse not to act now and to worry about it later. Maybe a lot don’t even care. Although I can’t find the source, I read recently that over 50% of Britons don’t care about the environment or the pressing problems enough to do something.

The hope for a sustainable society rests on ‘the attainment of radical changes in consumption patterns and lifestyles’ (cited in Thøgersen, 2002). But these changes seem to be occurring very slowly, if at all.

This lack of consideration and lazy attitude towards the world around us and our thirst for materials and money, leaves the majority of us missing out on our beautiful world in all its natural glory. The simple pleasures in life, like going for a long walk in the country, without disturbances from cars, are replaced by electrical goods and staying inside with our latest possession. This is far from healthy and can numb us intellectually as well as make us lazy.

Relationships

In relation to our relationships with one another and society as a whole, comes a variety of issues by itself. Our struggle to stay healthy – mentally and physically, bring up our children well and work towards equality are only a few of the issues we face.

The relationship we have with ourselves is very important. In Britain an increase of mental health issues and obesity, as a result of a work-orientated lifestyle and comsumerism, shows our lack for personal consideration. Improving ourselves and allowing ourselves to be mentally and physically better in shape, seems to come second to our desire for money and material possession. Convenience seems to be more important, but is our convenient lifestyle really convenient?

Our constant on the go lifestyle lead us to junk food, ready made meals, missing out on exercise and leaving little time for ourselves let alone our family. Our mood as a nation has deteriorated. How can anyone consider this the easier and most convenient way of living?

We use quick fix routes to achieve some happiness through comsumerism. This lack of consideration for our basic human needs (good nutrition, exercise, self and family relationships) leaves us in an awful mental and physical state.

Ethical living promotes ‘a better mindset that espouses a better awareness and sense of conscience about one’s actions’ (Leo Hickman, 2001). It is a philosophy of making decisions about everyday life in relation to ethics and morals, specifically focusing on relationships with friends and family, the environment and most importantly ourselves. It is about enjoying the world we live in, not in a comsumeristic, materialistic fashion, but a natural fashion. Getting back to the root of it all. Allowing our mind to be calm and at peace.

Living ethically to me, means working with the Earth, not only in relation the beautiful natural world in the form of plants and animals, but in working with each other and promoting healthier relationships.

Becoming a mother has enforced this further into action. The desire to instill values that work in harmony with the earth is important to me, for my son. For him to place more value on his family and his environment than a computer console or money, is a crucial and important developmental issue. I believe by setting a good example and showing my conscious awareness of my affect on the environment and showing my ability to take action as opposed to showing a lack of consideration, is a fundamental value that everyone should have.

I hope to achieve this and document this through my blog, as well as to give advice to others at the same time.